We Need To Talk
by Pink Wolf Princess
Summary: Ron, Harry, and Hermione go tell Dumbledore the news from the previous 2 chapters.
1. Chapter 1: The Burrow

Hello… I only own this strange, strange plot bunny. Well, I co-own it with my little sister who wishes to be pen-named THE BLUE. And admittedly the original inspiration was my baby brother… so I might as well say my other little sister did have some hand in it too. Is that everyone? Yes, and okay.

This is VERY random and eventually mostly everyone will be acting OOC. But it'll be fun while it lasts!

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><p>"We need to talk."<p>

It was the last day of the Easter holidays of Ron's fifth year. He, with the rest of his siblings, were seated in the Burrow's living room with their parents. Mum was sitting in an armchair while Dad kept pacing back and forth.

"What is it?" asked Charlie curiously. Dad coughed. "It is hard to admit… but I'm afraid it can't be kept a secret any longer. Nor do I want to… well, I didn't want to in the first place, but well…"

"You're rambling, Dad," chuckled Bill. Dad looked sheepish. "Well, yes."

"It can't be that bad, dear," sighed Mum. Dad flushed as red as his thinning hair, "Actually, it appears to be so…"

"Uh-huh," went Ginny. Dad exhaled. "I called this family meeting for a reason. I'm Lord Voldemort."

Everyone blinked. Ron grumbled, "Well, this is going to put a crimp in my relationship with Harry."

"Same here," nodded the twins. Ginny added, "Are you sure, Dad?"

He looked amused. "Pretty sure, Ginny dear."

Glancing at his pocket watch, Mr. Weasley winced. "I have a Death Eater meeting coming up. I'd best be going- I'll be telling them the truth at today's meeting."

With a devious smile he added, "I can't wait to see the look on Lucius Malfoy's face!"

Then he Apperated away, leaving his stunned family behind. Weakly Bill advised his littlest siblings, "You might as well pack, Ron and Ginny. Tomorrow you'll be returning to Hogwarts."

Baffled the two headed upstairs to do so, Ron mumbling to himself, "Hermione is going to kill me…"


	2. Chapter 2: Gryffindor Common Room

Disclaimer: I or THE BLUE don't own Harry Potter.

And canon is being treated _very_ loosely here- I mean, it's a fic where Arthur Weasely is Lord Voldemort's alter ego. Canon doesn't count for much…

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><p>"Harry, we need to talk," Ron informed his best friend once he had unpacked. Harry Potter was reading <em>Quidditch Through the Ages<em> in a plush armchair by the fireplace of the Gryffindor common room. Looking up the other boy asked, "What about? The next DA meeting?"

"No," gulped Ron. Harry grinned awkwardly as he put down the book, "I need to tell you something, Ron."

"I need to tell you something too…"

"Okay. You first."

"You," Ron insisted but Harry just said, "You."

"Fine: either he's under a really odd Imperious Curse which is unlikely or Dad is Lord Voldemort."

"But if your dad is Lord Voldemort… and Ginny is your sister… that means I'm dating Lord Voldemort's daughter!" panicked Harry. Ron's eyes bulged out.

"You're dating my sister?"

"Your dad is Lord Voldemort!"

The two teenagers engaged in a shouting match until Hermione came down from the girls' dorm. Baffled, she asked, "What are you two going on about?"

"He's dating my sister!" Ron pointed at Harry. Harry pointed at Ron. "His dad is Lord Voldemort!"

"Well, we all knew that Harry and Ginny were going to end up dating sometime- wait! Your dad is Lord Voldemort?" Hermione blinked in shock. Ron shouted, "HE'S DATING MY SISTER! You can't choose your parents but you can choose your girlfriend! Or boyfriend."

Harry grumbled, "Your dad is Voldemort? I thought he liked me…"

"So did I," shrugged Ron helplessly. Hermione sighed. "We ought to tell Dumbledore this."

The two boys looked at one another before admitting, "Yes."


	3. Chapter 3: Dumbledore's Office, Part I

Disclaimer: THE BLUE & I only own this odd plot bunny clan. And I own "The Great Forest" which WILL be published soon, being almost as random as this fic. Uh-oh.

This is so random… and it's just going to get more random as time goes on.

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><p>"We need to talk to you, Dumbledore," Harry informed the headmaster of Hogwarts.<p>

The trio had managed to figure out Dumbledore's sweet-toothed password and now were in his office. The elderly and venerated headmaster was doing some paperwork, and blinked when he saw them standing in his office.

"Yes? What is it- is Umbridge being problematic again?"

"No, sir," Hermione responded. "Ron has something to tell you."  
>"Harry is dating my sister!" Ron complained, pointing at his best friend. Hermione face-palmed, saying, "Not that- the other something."<p>

"Oh, that. Why do I have to tell him? He's Harry's arch-enemy!"

"He's your dad," Harry and Hermione chorused. So Ron rolled his eyes and stated, "Yeah, apparently my dad is Lord Voldemort's alter ego. But, Headmaster, Harry can NOT date my sister!"

"Are you sure Arthur Weasley is Lord Voldemort?" Dumbledore inquired cautiously. Harry and Hermione looked over at Ron. The redhead shrugged. "He wasn't under any spell at the time so he probably at least thinks he's Lord Voldemort."

Dumbledore proceeded to use a long series of words all three strongly suspected should not be said in the presence of young children. In the middle of his rant Snape and McGonagall arrived.

"What is going on, Headmaster?" the latter questioned, adding, "You're probably disturbing Fawkes."

"I'm sorry, Fawkes," Dumbledore told the smoking phoenix. "I was caught by surprise."

The large reddish bird trilled in understanding before going back to sleep. Snape raised his eyebrows at the trio. "What are you three doing to aggravate Dumbledore?"

"Um…" the three exchanged looks. Ron protested, "I said it last time and I'm not saying it again. Do you two realize how weird it is to say "Lord Voldemort is my dad"? I mean, really! Bloody boogers."

"Wait, Weasley," Snape eyed the redhead warily. "Did you just say your father is Lord Voldemort?"

"Yes," nodded Hermione. Snape and McGonagall exchanged incredulous looks. The former grumbled, "Anything else we should know about?"

"Probably," admitted the other occupants of the room. Snape rolled his eyes. "Let's get it over with then…"


End file.
